Hurt

Initiate: ignore mode
Abandon all hope...
Delete all memories...
Compress all emotions...
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Heartless phase ready.
Ignoring all outside influence
Initiating dream chaser mode...
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Soul and mind ready
Compressing all pain and emotions
Face composition applied
Compressed all emotions
Artificial gestures installed
All normal human traits installed
Installing warlord persona..
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installing Warlord persona....30%

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PERSONAL MESSAGE TO FUTURE SELF:

Hello my future self.salam. i hope that the we in today is not going to get worse in.the future.

I hope that this biggest leap of faith of our life is going to lead us towards our better self.let us make this program a success.

in the future,if you are reading this again,remember. We chose this path because we do not want to waste our time doing useless things. Becoming slave with little self worth.

My future self, if you got the chance to read this again,remember. Humanly love is useless.only love our god. Only then will you achieve true love. From creatures and god alike.
Goodbye.
Assalamualaikum :-)

MESSAGE END..

installing Warlord persona....50%
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Change of heart?

I think this blog is becoming more and more of a diary,but with public contents.

I dont know what will happen to these contents later.who will read them,how much will it worth. What changes will it bring to my life,or other's still it felt good to have a place to pour all these feelings away.heheh

That feels good inside

Disclaimer note:this is not pedophilia post,and i do not condone such behavior.

Last night me and my friends went on an outing.later i spent the night at their home.

Woke up in the morning, read some comics laying around in the room.

Later a sister of them came into the room. She's still young,around 8 years old.She wants to read some comics as well.

She laid on the bed besides me.after felt tired of reading those comics,i snuggled her.have her lay her head on my arms,and we both continued reading. Suddenly a gush of temptation came and i just hugged her tighter.

It felt really nice and cosy and warm. I just thought to myself, it sure is nice if i have a wife right now.we could spend our holiday morning like this first before leaving the bed.

But still,haaahh..it was such a nice feeling. I really hope that i will find a wife who will love me more than i love her. Who will prioritize me more than anything or anybody else.amin

i need help overcoming paranoia

I need help overcoming my jealousy and paranoia

Each step that somebody i love took,I will definitely have heavy jealousy blooming inside my heart. I always thought that she will definitely fall for somebody else.I always thought that if she was with another guy,even some random colleague,it will always be she was 'with' 'somebody else'.. hahah..damn jealousy..always got me into heavy heartache..i hate that feeling..

I also have this paranoia that when people are talking behind my back,they are talking about me.about my bad things..I hate that part of me as well.I always have to keep cheating my brain to think that what they are talking is about something else.It makes me feel like I'm hated by everybody else.That sort of feelings is not good for your health you know.

I wish that I can overcome those feelings.

I want a wife like her!

I was surfing the web randomly and found this really good anime called I cant understand what my husband is saying

The wife is really good one..she is understanding.playful.very good mannered..and most of all, she loves her husband the most! even when she's drunk..

I wish.I really wish that my wife will be like her.

Of course in the beginning she has her flaws.She drinks like crazy.and she also smoked.but she finally got rid of all that for her family..very lovable trait in my opinion.. I wish I have a wife like her..owh and she also doesn't know how to cook..but she did go through the trouble to learn how to cook. aaah..if only there is a woman like that for me..huhuu

I Hate Being Poor

Damn, I hate being poor.
these last days I have been thinking.It's actually a good thing that I didn't get married in the first place. Looking back I have been spending needlessly on women. Telco credits to call them. Needless gifts. If I was married: food,shelter,transport all will fall on my shoulder. Entertainments.to take her on outings,some shoppings. I still have to give money to my parents as well. I also have to give my wife her needs and anything. I don't want to live poor anymore. I am going to be a King! hahah.. in my dreams

I have superpower???

I knew it.. every time i'm all tensed up i will generate a flux that will temper with electronics stuff. hahaha

Before this,I used to wear watch on my wrists..but in some mornings the time will skip a few hours. Example when it's 7,the watch will usually show 5 or 6.. at first i thought it was weak battery so i will usually buy a new one because its quite cheap compared to changing battery.. As things keep on happening i opted to digital watches. same thing still happens..there were cases that the display will totally went bust.

I also produce intense body heat. At some point i will cause my cellphone battery to heat up.. and now,when im in a tensed up condition,my cellphone totally lost connection..cant make calls,cant send sms..hahah..
wonder how can i really harness this power.. Imagine,blowing stuffs with my mind..hohohoh

story draft

I lost my girlfriend again
-had 1 month long relationship
-know as co worker
-shes a practical student
-tell her that i want to know her more
-she told me she also been looking at me from far away.wanting to say hi but so scared.
-been happy together.
-but i was so overly jealous.jealous with her for having other male friends.jealous with her EXs,jealous for not being able to be no.1 in her heart.
-so we have a break up..after 1 month.heheh..
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*****
main scene:
doing work outside..saw her walk pass by..wind was blowing on us..tried to say hi,she saw me but walked straight by..never have anything happen again afterwards..

i moved to oversea,but she was lost in the passing years.no idea what she is doing right now..
can only dream of her in my sleep.