somebody love me

Late at night.way past my bed time..
really wish someone will give me a goodnight kiss.
and wish me"good night honey,you're the best.I love you always.more than you love me"
why?
because I'm a lonely guy.
hoping to have some love in the days left before i die.
:)

alone again.

ahh..what a sorrowful feeling. I am alone again
the new friend that i made at workplace is gone,he went to continue his study.so here i am,alone.doing work with the crowds but i have none to speak to.

last month i broke up with that woman. we've been engaged for about 2/3 years..but known each other for 5.
i took a week off from work.tried to be sad..thought that i could shed a few tears.but nah, I only felt a slight loss. also during the 1 week off,my internet was down.so i have all the time in the world to travel into my mind. void of any disturbance or temptations. to go online and such.
really helpful. although i still have a few distraction,thinking about the never ending jobs at work.

Despite all that,being the "emotionless guy" branded at school and college, i really do feel nothing.my face was all blank.no tears,no hate,nor smile.
I do feel what a waste,feel insecured that i might not get somebody much better than her in the future.
thinking that this is god's way of taking us apart.
because i am no longer as good as her.
she is struggling to move on her rank of deeds.her amount of rewards from Allah,
while here i am,still stuck in the same amount of deed,same amount of rewards,in fact i am going down the ranks.
because there are some that i have left..making me gaining a lot more sins everyday..that's why..

Allah is taking us apart..
"good man for good woman and bad man for bad woman."
I still hope that i am going to get someone better than her though.
remembered watching Chennai Express and wishing in my heart.
O god, i want a wife as good as here please god please..
someone who will love me more than i love her, and will make me feel eased at heart.whose beauty will make me be at peace,who's intelligent,hardworking and cute at the same time.
amin.

HAHAHA..what a big appetite for someone without emotions huh.. :D

MAN UP,MAN!

today is really a normal day like every other.
i went to work,and now i am home again.

having slept the entire evening off, i woke up feeling quite calm and eased.
sat down and take a look at my family faces.
saw my mom..my brothers..my sisters..

then it occurred to me.
if my father is dead,it is up to me to raise them. Being the eldest son in the family.

truthfully,i have spent so many time chasing love.
Boasting what a family man that i will be.. when i cant even be there for my real family right now.
what a waste.

i believe I've had it.this is wasting time.
good night fa. I will not be chasing you again.
so long,and good bye. :)

i have my own family to attend to.
besides, I don't really even matter to you at all.
Just a weight on your back. :)

going out

tomorrow is going to be something.

well the past week is something already.

i have infiltrated a local varsity somewhere in malaysia.
stayed in one of the dorm there.
felt nice.heheh.

but tomorrow i am going to meet that someone.
hope that it work.

i hate how she neglects my calls and texts.
need some room?yeah right.
really felt like she have lost her feel for me
is there anything wrong?
i wonder what is my fault this time.

seriously,this feeling of almost losing her,
this feeling of not being loved anymore.it hurts.
it really hurts.i wonder how to brace the fall if she says we are to have nothing anymore.
afraid that she would finally dump me.
how scary. :)

hopefully god will help me through this.
all and all,pray for me k.anyone? :)

looking through deadman's eye

yesterday i went through a dead person's fb.

scrolling through pictures and pictures of them.

and so i wonder.

if i were to die today.what would i leave behind.?
what would i feel in my grave?
what good does it make to the world?

pondering about life

looking back in life.
kawan aku dah achieve flight! aku,masih di sini..kat malaysia

kawan aku dah kawin! n aku,masih dekat sini mengharap datang masa sesuai untuk aku kawin pulak.

shit all this.shit my life.shit..heheh..

i am lifeless.

tengoklah tahun depan.

i am leaving all this bullshit for a better cause.

huu

today in remembrance

JULY 10TH 2012
remembrance OF man.you are dismissed from your trainee-ship

in the future,do not bow down to others.you are your own boss..hehehe..somehow i felt glad and i feel like i am so very free right now.

looking up to the future.pick your path:

1.learn religion knowledge and spread them
2.start up your own business and be multimillionaire by 2020
3.work with some other place as SPM qualified and get paid monthly with meagre amounts enough for yourself.repeat this daily and die with lots of regrets.your wife will leave you and your child will hate you.debtors chase you daily.

all and all i hope so very much that i will get married early and succeed in option 1 and  2.